Sexuality

Sexuality

What is sexuality, and what is it not? You can have all sorts of questions about sexuality.

There are many practical questions to ask about it. At sinteze, we focus on the underlying meaning of your questions. Why is this important in your life right now? What is causing you to have these questions? Talking about your question is often the most important step to take, and is not always easy. Once you take that step, new opportunities arise that allow you to see your question and potential answers in a new light. What falls under sexuality, and what does not, is not set in stone.
During therapy, you explore and potentially re-establish that definition. How you relate to various aspects of sexuality determines how important those aspects of sexuality are to you.

(Any) Questions about sexuality?

(Any) Questions about sexuality?

You can have all sorts of questions about sexuality.

There are many practical questions to ask about it. At sinteze, we focus on the underlying meaning of your questions. Why is this important in your life right now? What is causing you to have these questions? Talking about your question is often the most important step, and is not always easy. Once you take that step, new opportunities arise that allow you to see your question and potential answers in a new light.

Are you sexual

Are you sexual

You may not be aware of your sexuality. Sexuality only becomes an issue when it conflicts with your environment. When does that matter?

When your environment expects or demands something different from you than you yourself want. When your partner wants to make love more or less frequently than you do. When people around you don’t understand your behaviour but do have an opinion about it. Your own body awareness and your health can also influence your sense of sexuality. In short, sex and sexuality are highly diverse and far from self-evident, but are nonetheless a part of you as a human being.

Do you have a question about sexuality?

You can have all sorts of questions about sexuality. There are many practical questions to ask about it. At sinteze, we focus on the underlying meaning of your questions. Why is this important in your life right now? What is causing you to have these questions?

Talking about your question is often the most important step, and is not always easy. Once you take that step, new opportunities arise that allow you to view your question and potential answers in a new light.

Your sexuality preoccupies you and you are looking for clarification

Your sexuality preoccupies you and you are looking for clarification

Sexuality is an important part of our humanity. This becomes particularly apparent when you yourself have questions about sexuality, or when others experience your sexuality as a problem. This can happen because your orientation deviates from that of the majority of people.

Homosexuality, bisexuality, intersexuality, transsexuality, kink, bdsm, and cross-dressing are a few examples. It’s possible that you are getting reactions that cause you to doubt yourself and your sexuality. Sometimes it feels like that keeps you from living an important part of your life.

Sinteze operates based on the following concept of humanity: certain human sexual characteristics are provided by nature. They are predetermined. How you manage them is a choice. Among youths, for instance at school, there may not always be room and understanding for anything other than ‘hetero’, which might lead you to ‘not tell’. Similarly, it’s often difficult or impossible to discuss sexuality in other situations, even in your relationship. Taboos and shame can be major obstacles that keep you from being content and happy with yourself.

Sexual identity

Sexual identity

Sexuality extends beyond the act of having sex. Sex is, however, a part of sexuality.

The way in which you experience your sexuality in part determines your sexual identity. For most people this is not a very conscious choice, nor is it a very intentional identity. They are usually referred to as being 'straight'. But people who experience another expression of their sexuality are often keenly aware of their sexual identity. Some new lables are used to find a labble suiting yourself. Part of those are further written about in the LGBTIQI-section. Not everyone feels well with any lable and that's fine. I might require some more advanced communication skills when you still wish to express how you experience your sexuality.

Sexually abused men

Sexually abused men

Many people experience unsolicited or undesired sexual advances. From subtle (and nonetheless unwanted) advances to sex without consent. Some people are sexually abused as early as in childhood.

We use the word abuse when you had no choice regarding the sexual contact, whether because you were too young, were intoxicated, there was an imbalance of power between you and the other person, or you didn’t want to do something but had trouble expressing that at the time.

Abuse can cause a lot of confusion. Did your body react in an aroused manner even though you were genuinely averse to it? Shame is unavoidable and guilt is common. You may have become traumasexual. Once this happens you can no longer freely engage in sexual relations. Or are you troubled by compulsive sexual behaviour, or behaviour involving pushing boundaries (or even overstepping them)? Still others have stopped enjoying their sexuality altogether.

The method used to work through the abuse, has been developed by Peter John Schouten (www.seksueelmisbruik.nl) and you will find more information there, as well as on www.seksueelmisbruik.pro.

LGBTIQI? LGBTIQI!

LGBTIQI? LGBTIQI!

LGBTQI is short for: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex, Queer/Questioning, Interested.

There are many other forms. The reason this initialism is used is to indicate that there are people who ask questions, who are open to alternatives to hetero and male/female, and who as a result are ‘different’. What can be helpful with being different, is becoming aware, which can be helpful in other domains of your life. Otherwise, it can confuse you, agitate you or even make you feel sad having to feel different if you did not choose to be so. Therapy can be a place for relfection, to become more aware and to seperate what feelings and thoughts are your and which ones come from the outside world.

How are you different, and why does that matter?

How are you different, and why does that matter?

As long as there are no people who have a problem with being different, being different isn’t problematic.

However, the voices of many people can make a large impression. You can be troubled by the world’s opinions, even though you, as an LGBTQI person, tend to be strong, have the courage to explore and do things your way, and have your own interpretation of life, friendships, relationships etc.

And in some cases you can have doubts and not be sure about ‘what’ you are. You’d like to know. Is your environment opposed to ‘difference’? Sinteze can help you deal with that in finding the appropriate relation with the world and yourself.

What we offer

At sinteze, we refrain from judging what has happened. During sexual abuse, however, your bodily integrity is not respected. A line is crossed. That matters. We always consider the significance of what you have been through. What would you appreciate? Based on your preference, we determine how to approach your questions in therapy together, searching for a different balance.

When sexuality is involved we pay close attention to convictions and beliefs, both your own and those of society. How can you apply them, and do you want to? Are those convictions accurate? How do they help you and how are they limiting?

In cases involving sexual abuse we apply a working model to free you from any false loyalty that may have appeared towards the person who crossed the line, as well as from feelings of guilt and shame. We also work on releasing you from any potential trauma.

What can you expect?

At sinteze, we always start with an initial meeting (’do we match?’). Upon reaching a mutual agreement, there will be a thorough intake assessment (’what is the full picture?’) before we compose the questions for counselling and decide on a suitable approach.

We start by closely examining your questions together: what needs to be prioritised and what can come later? Order helps.

First we closely examine the facts in order to separate them from all the surrounding feelings. Those are two separate worlds that sometimes require different approaches. We then get to work using the plan we have formed. This provides structure, but we will remain flexible along the way, taking note of the areas that require the most attention. If you succeed in decoupling yourself from the emotions and looking at the situation, then we will have come a long way.